a challenge

This week has been a challenge working 10 hours 5 days a week with four boys who it my responsibly to look after (aka ensuring that they do their chores, and don’t kill each other, while trying to make the experience somewhat educational).

Growing up as an only child has given me an unrealistic view of siblings. I always thought it would be so much fun to have sister or brother. From my experience this week I have realized that augments totally stress and tire me out. I am slowly growing but there are many times a day I look to God for my pasinte, compassion and strength.

This week God has made it evident to me that although I have a inner peace sometimes it will be my job to try to restore peace. He as also pointed out that I can be utterly ridiculous. Which I thought I was over but obviously not. The few minutes I have had to myself while not working, spending time with friends, or sleeping has been filled with hesitation of spirit.

I always feel like I have so much more I could be doing especially for Christ but it never seems to get done. I understand that God’s work never ends but someday I wish I didn’t have to send anyone to a time out.

And I need a new devo. any suggestions?

Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong

-Gandhi

the hardest thing to do is to forgive. It makes me realize how much my salvation is really worth. Without it life consists turmoil and heartache. Today I dived back into something I had forgotten I loved. Thanks to my friend Maddy. I am glad to be making things with my hands and mind, it is joyful to hold something purely your own. A small accomplishment that helps to overshadow the less joyful things.

like a child

the reason i think i will be a good teacher is that i don’t mind mind being silly and i am loving soul. in lit we are reading a book about Hiroshima and i said i was shocked when i read about a person being unfeeling and not compassionate to someone suffering from radiation sickness. then my teacher said that just because something bad happened to someone does not mean that people will be kind to them. i had not even thought about it that way because i guess that not the way i think.  i don’t know weather its a good thing or a bad thing yet, but it makes me feel like a child, unmarred and not yet soured by the world. i have seen and expericenced the lemons of this world much more than a normal person my age, i wonder if that why i see it different? we also had singing club at work today, it rocked.

assortment of eternal human sentiment

i am having problems explaining why literature should not be an assortment of eternal human sentiment in conncetion to the author Achebe and his novel Things Fall Apart. why wont my brain work, this is depressing.

16 perplexities revealed

1. when i was in 2nd or 3rd grade a beat up a boy who was teasing me and i had to go to the princapals  office 

2. i am ADD. i dont take meds but somedays its very hard for me to get anything done

3. i can pick up things with my feet, i think its cool but my mom finds it gross

4.  i ride motorcycles and i feel really cool when i do 

5.  i really like v8 i think its delislious

6. my favorite color roses are yellow because my grandfather grew them and the ones he grew smelled so wonderful. they remind me of him.

7.  in class i always try to get a seat where the sun might shine on me. sunshine just makes me so happy i cant help smiling

8. i love the smell of the apple orahard, it smells of old wood and warm apple pastries

9. i love to cook and bake it makes me feel like an artist because i create something someone enjoys AND you get to eat it too.

10. i have to have nail polish on my toenails because otherwise i feel like a boy

11. i collect things from different countries, i have fans from japan and china, a box with carved elephants on it from india, a chess set from iraq, a mask from venice, and a wooden carving of a bear from poland.

12. my favorite meal changes with the seasons. winter is stew, spring is sushi, summer is steak, and fall is lasgna

13. i have no phobias there is nothing that makes that scared.

14. i played a fairy named moth in A Midsummers Nights Dream it was my favorite show i have ever been in

15. i had warts on my hands and feet when i was little   

16. i have read all of jane austen’s books

and i wept

i lost a friend

someone I held dear

a brother of my heart 

where did he go

how did he slip away 

i forgot to look for him

i walked in my own way

when I retraced my steps

i wanted to tell him of my return

but him I did not see 

so i cried out to see him 

but he ignored my plea

he no longer cares to consort with me

and now I dwell in wonderings 

of what I thought was love

of what a brother means to me 

when one can cut so deep 

i have lost a friend

i want to see DANCING!!

i saw this and it was the best day EVER! 

its too cold for me to be happy

today was fine i guess. i went to school, had a headache, gave a speech and, sat next to a guy who made me uncomfortable. i still have a headache and i just finished watching Mulan. now i am drinking tea and listening to the theme song from Pride and Prejudice, wishing i could find the dvd and watch it, even though i know it will make me a little sad. most Jane Austen stories do that to me. i have been trying to focus on being happy but right now i am a little tired of happy. i just want to rest, so i will tonight. i will feel guilty about not doing stuff for my classes later. i wish my life was a Jane Austen story right now, they always end happily.

have you seen my long underwear?

I was so stressed out yesterday about all things I had to get done and all the things I wanted to get done. Most everything has just worked out today, work was cancelled and I got everything I had to do done, so now I have some time to do things I want to do. YAY! Besides that I am sitting upstairs with a cup of tea (blackberry sage) while Dorothy snuggles up to Ozma for warmth, and I contemplate how I will keep myself warm on my way to class. I think its time to search for my long underwear!

Thais impressed me more

Today I went to an opera with my mom it was called La Rondine. I went to one earlier this winter that is called Thais, which was wonderful. So I went today expecting something similar and got something I didnt like as well. No one died, which was nice, but I felt the female lead didn’t measure up to the lead in Thais. I also only got 4 hours of sleep so that might have swayed my view. I hope I don’t sound like a snob because I am talking about opera, I just seriously appericate it for many different reasons.

Later we went to Whole Foods, I walked through the store like a driver asleep at the wheel. Next we went to the gas station where we waited a half hour to go though the car wash. As I was sitting there I relized that downtown White Bear has new red flags that hang off the lamposts that procliam that you are in downtown White Bear Lake. I also watched a little old lady with a bowed back get into a car with an old man, who I assume is her husband. Seeing things like that make me happy. I dont know why but old things just make me smile.

Now I am back at home sitting on the couch while my father watches the Dakar Rally highlghts. I feel like my brain is floting away from me, I really need to sleep.